I feel as though I need to apologise for my lack of commitment lately. I haven’t blogged for a month which is a sure sign that life is returning to some sense of normal with a bit of crazy stuff thrown in!
A year ago or even six months ago I could not have envisaged us having ‘normal’ days. You know, those days which on the surface are completely unremarkable. Those days which seem like an endless list of jobs: birthday present buying for a family event we are ALL attending that evening, haircuts without needing explanations, picking up and dropping off three kids from various locations at various times. Then there are the precious moments of joy: spontaneous drinks in the garden with close friends, booking a hotel room or hearing a glass smash in the garden which has been hit by a football. This is us now. We are planning again and we are looking forward. These moments may seem unremarkable, but to us they are highly significant.
With these ‘normal’ days and our excitement about the future, we are still looking over our shoulders. The recent crash in Felix’s bloods put us back on red alert. He was to so close to needing a transfusion which would mean a cannula (I can hear his scream already) and an instantaneous time hop to the past. It’s hard to think that last year I was so worried about his levels of anxiety and his constant fear that I sought help and advice from a psychiatrist. I don’t want him to be teleported back to that point. There was also his recent three-day wipe out which sent ripples of panic through every vein of my body. He had a similar wipe out just weeks before he was diagnosed. See this is the thing, whilst he looks every part a tower of strength, positivity and hope I know that there is a chance he could relapse. When all the ducks are in line, this chance stays firmly in its box and doesn’t trouble me at all. All it takes is one of those little ducklings to go on a little wander and that’s it – the lid springs off and all sorts of thoughts and feelings rush to the surface.
But hey, that’s the cancer stuff, let’s have more of the crazy normal stuff.
The craziest thing has to be being whisked off for a whirlwind 48 hours in Madrid where Felix got to meet his idol, Christiano Ronaldo. It was truly something else, for all of us! My business is booming and affording me the flexibility to be available for all the children when they need me. It is also giving me the opportunity to help families and children reach their potential and solve problems which are proving to be a hurdle in their lives. We are going away again for days and weekends and whilst I have the details of the nearest Children’s Oncology Unit close to hand, we are getting out and about. This freedom is quite exhilarating.
From a parenting point of view, I am still trying to get the boys to actually wash their armpits and my beautiful daughter to stop leaving wet towels in her room. The boys still insist on coming down in the morning half-dressed and then throwing their socks in all corners of the room when they come home. I am still totally ‘cringey’ as far as my kids are concerned and I think this will be the case for at least another 8 years. As for every day married life stuff, we managed to go ‘out, out’ the other night and are learning to leave Felix with family and friends again – it feels like he is a new-born again! Life has moved from planning hospital trips and visits back to who’s picking and dropping the kids off again which is brilliant. We don’t really talk about the cancer stuff – we’ll leave that for another day!
So in our crazy little #teambrown world life is full of normal days again. There are snippets of cancer stuff here and there but more there than here which is just how we like it.