29 Sep Having a Sister with a Cancer Diagnosis: A letter to Freya’s Brother and Sister
A letter to Freya’s brother and sister Freya’s brother and sister that is how you have become known.
From the moment she was diagnosed we all lost who we were as life was now so focused on Freya and Freya’s oncology life.
Doctors and other professionals don’t know your name you are now known as Freya sister or brother.
But I see you. I still see the little people you are.
I saw the excitement when we told you I was pregnant. The happiness of seeing her for the first time at the scan. Guessing if she was a boy or girl.
I hear the giggles and feel your touch as you both sit and touch my tummy as she hiccups and kicks.
I saw you embrace yourself in her warmth and cuddles the first time you held her. I saw the proudness when you helped changed her nappies and helped to give her a bath and a bottle.
You watched her first steps and helped teach her first words. You blew raspberries on her tummy and tickled her to make her laugh.
So many fond memories to cherish!
Now I see how all that has changed!
Now I see you scared to hug her as she is in pain.
Now I see you watching on from a safe distance when I change her nappies wearing protective gloves as now her wee could harm you!
I see your confusion as we explain it is toxic from the chemo so why do we give it to your little sister?!
I see you avoid tickling her and no longer able to blow raspberries on her tummy as now she has a Mr Wiggly (Hickman line) that you have to be careful of.
I see you looking at the blonde curly hair now on her brush as it is falling out.
I see how brave and supportive you are as we shaved it all off for her.
I see you run for the sick bowl frequently and fetching me gloves and anything else I needed to care for her. Her notes, the phone, the thermometer her hospital bag.
I watch as I leave the house. I know you need a hug and reassurance. I know you need me.
I want to be there for you two but Freya needs me now.
You know this and understand. I see that and I am proud.
I see the anxiety and concern when you visit and see her hooked up to machines. So poorly.
I see how she smiles at you. You make her laugh. She hadn’t laughed all day. She sees you two. She looks forward to seeing you. We both do!
I can’t support you like I want to. I wish I could!
I didn’t see your nativity.
I didn’t attend your parents evenings.
I missed milestones.
I did always think of you both
I did see how mature and brave you were.
I did see how patient, caring, understanding you were.
We were a team. Freya’s team.
We pulled together and we got her through!
You will always be Freya’s big brother and sister but you are also Elisha and Lewis and now it’s your time. Now it’s time to be you!!
Now it’s time to be you!!