What I Hate About Fortnite

My usual calm and compliant nine-year-old turns into a different boy when armed with his controller and headset.  He automatically adopts the persona of a testosterone-fuelled, alpha-male as he struts the Fortnite Terrain with his team by his side.

This is what I despise the most.

It isn’t gaming as such.  In moderation, as with anything, I don’t mind it at all.  In fact, I think it can be a welcome form of relaxation for children who are growing up in a busy and chaotic world.  Of course, I would much rather they engaged in something more ‘wholesome’ like reading, playing outside or board games but this just isn’t the world my kids are living in.  Gaming is a key player in our leisure time.  My husband enjoys it and we have lived quite happily side by side with Minecraft, Fifa and Forza.

However, Fortnite is a different story.

Not only does my nine-year-old play but my other two children also play.  My thirteen-year-old daughter who usually spends time in the world of health and beauty and my football mad 12-year-old have succumbed to the lure.  The older ones play, probably once a day, and fortunately are able to moderate the length and frequency.  They’ll nip in for half an hour and then potter off to do something else.  They laugh and joke as they play.

That is fine.

What worries me is the hold it has on my nine-year-old and the way it turns him into a different person.  One without reason, kindness or compassion.  As soon as he gets permission to play you can immediately see the excitement and adrenalin starting to build.  If the game is delayed because of an update you can literally see the steam coming out of his ears.  And then he’s on.  We then have a good five minutes of him calling his friends to play.  Once they have established their team the mission begins and his Fortnite alter-ego emerges.  During gameplay he dictates and demands, declares and despairs.  The result of his complete absorption in the game leaves him in a trance like state.  He’s never experienced this intense range of emotions before.

He can’t manage it.  He can’t cope with it.

As soon as I feel as though the emotions of gameplay are starting to take a grip without him being able to control it, I intervene and dictate that the game over.  Following the obvious protest he surrenders and after about five minutes and our happy, funny and calm boy returns.

This is what I hate about Fortnite.  It changes my boy.

There has been an abundance of research about the effect of gaming on behaviours and attitudes which I have always taken with a pinch of salt.  However, having now experienced the immediate impact of gameplay on my son my viewpoint has changed.

Personally, I can’t wait for this current fad to fade into the history books.  For parents out there who are experiencing the same, you are not alone.  Every day I will continue to restrict despite his protest.

If we all work towards limiting their gameplay maybe we can bring about the demise of Fortnite?

Who’s up for it?





Back from my Blogging Holiday!

It’s been so long since my last blog and this has been a conscious decision following Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.  The response to my #ablogaday was phenomenal and thank you to everyone who contributed and all who engaged with it.  What I was not prepared for was the emotional toll that came with it.

Throughout September I was inundated with blogs from friends, family and virtual friends who all wrote enlightening and inspiring pieces straight from the heart.  Of course, I had to read and edit blogs where necessary, I hadn’t thought this bit through.  At the beginning, it was fine but as the days went on, the rawness and honesty in these blogs started to weigh me down.  It was the hurt and the pain that so many people carry round with them that hit my heart.  On 25th September #ablogday stopped.  In all honesty I think a was waiting for Mr Brown to contribute, and once he had my pursuit was over.  I needed a holiday so I packed up my Blog and spent some time away.

I’m back with a new haircut and everything!  I’m back and really looking forward to writing again.  I’m back recharged and emotionally back on form.  One thing that makes me so proud of Mrs Brown’s Blogs is the positive engagement that takes place and the supportive platform it offers others.  This is want I now want to build on.  Whilst Childhood Cancer is still part of our lives and always will be, I want to move away from it being the main emphasis of my writing.  I now want to explore the myriad of parenting and family experiences that we all enjoy/despair of each day.  There will of course be the added dimension that my son is in treatment for leukaemia but all families have their unique dimension.  And that is what is so wonderful about us all.  We can all celebrate our achievements, worries and concerns – none are more significant than others, it’s all about perspective.

I’m so pleased to be back and look forward to sharing my thoughts and feelings about the crazy and often confusing world around us.  I have plans to explore behaviour as communication, our daily routines and how we goal set for ourselves and our family.  I want to start to combine my emotional journey with my experience as an educator to explore the everyday nuances of life.

I hope you’ll continue to join me on this journey.  I feel truly blessed to have the opportunity to be excited again – Let’s chat about and enjoy those small things!


Majorca October 2017 – A Blogger’s Holiday


Life’s Firsts

When we’re born it’s all about our firsts.  Our first poop, our first smile, our first sleep through the night.  Then we celebrate the first step, the first word, the first day at school.  It’s all about firsts.

As we get older those firsts dwindle but they are still as important.  The first date, the first job, the first baby.  They are still there but less often.  That is until some form of trauma or loss occurs.

I now find myself relishing firsts in the same way as I did when the children were first-born.  Since Felix’s diagnosis, firsts have become all-encompassing; the first haircut, the first birthday, the first Christmas.  We are currently increasing clinic visits to three weeks for the first time, Felix got winded for the first time yesterday, we are soon to go on our first holiday abroad since Felix was diagnosed.

When we are growing, these firsts are exciting and exhilarating.  This time around I approach these firsts with caution and trepidation.  I can remember last year as the first Christmas loomed upon us – I was pleased and relieved to see it come and go.  The seconds are easier, this is now the #newnormal.

This occupation we have with firsts are apparent not only following trauma but also through loss.  Any first moment, experience or occasion without a loved one is significant and tough.  My heart goes out to all of those experiencing firsts through loss.

We all have and do live through these firsts.  When we are younger, firsts tended to be emblazoned with happiness and delight.  As we get older our firsts become shrouded in hope and resilience.  It is this hope and resilience that is #beinghuman.  In the most emotionally charged moments, we survive.  We survive because we are driven by our inner soul and our we are motivated by our mindset. We know that we have to live through these firsts before they become a last.

As our first foreign holiday approaches, I am drawing on everything that is #beinghuman so that I enjoy and relish how lucky we are to have this first.  I have to bury my worries and caution and replace my feelings with the happiness and delight that I remember from those wonder years.

I really can’t wait for the second though!

#beinghuman #doit #blogit

Life's firsts



Find the Wonderful in Today

Such a simple message but one which often gets overlooked in our busy and hectic lives.  The older we get, the more we seem to miss the wonder and awe in the world around us.  Find the Wonderful in Today is the family motto of the Codling Family – a unique family who now offer a sanctuary within the dunes of Perranporth in memory of their son Charlie.

In March 2012,  Charlie Codling was suddenly diagnosed with a Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma (DIPG), an incurable brain tumour.  Devastatingly after only 5 months, Charlie passed away on 6 September 2012, just 2 weeks before his 5th birthday.  The family was fortunate to be surrounded by many amazing friends and family who not only gave them unwavering support but they also raised a staggering amount of money which helped them forge some wonderful memories with Charlie.

Charlie Codling

As a fitting memorial to Charlie, they decided to start the charity: Charlie’s Beach Hut Fund.   Charlie’s, is a beach hut style caravan at Perran Sands in Perranporth which aims to provide families of children with life limiting illnesses and families of firefighters that have suffered bereavement, or life changing injury whilst in the line of duty, a relaxing environment so they can forge some forever memories, in a hope that they too can ‘Find the Wonderful in Today’.

We were honoured to be invited to spend some time at Charlie’s just months after Felix was diagnosed.  This was the first date that we put in our diary; this was the first time we looked to the future.  That was April 2016 and we have just returned from a wonderful time away.


I have never visited a place before that is enriched with such emotion and tranquility.  You could feel the love, warmth and compassion emanating from all aspects of this special hut on the cusp of the sea.  With the sun on our faces and waves close by, we had all the therapy we needed in those five days.  We couldn’t help but be inspired by Charlie’s love for life, strength, humour and caring nature and found strength from spending time in his memory.  The proximity of the sea and the beautiful views allowed us to relax in the beauty of the natural world.  Although we never met Charlie, we will forever remember him, Karen, Steve, Freya and Isla as Charlie’s Hut provided us with such a sense of peace, love and togetherness which we could not have experienced anywhere else.

There are many charities such as Charlie’s Hut which are founded through loss of a loved-one.  These charities provide families a unique opportunity to look to the future and provide a sanctuary to make memories and simply enjoy living.  These charities mean so much to the families they help and support.

We will be forever grateful to Charlie’s Hut for the memories we made there.  It really is one of the most unique and awe-inspiring places you will ever find.

If you have two minutes, please help raise awareness about Charlie’s Beach Hut Charity and help more families Find the Wonderful in Today.  Thank you.