19 May Tonight is a worry night …
They don’t come along very often but when they do they are like crawling, jittery insects. And I know what it is, it’s because I’m tired. Simple as that.
I’ve always had worry nights as most people do. Sunday nights feature quite regularly in the timetable of worry, particularly those at the end of a school holiday. Now, worry nights arrive much more frequently, at any time and in some instances they will take a little detour into the day shift as well.
What triggers a worry night is almost comedic in its nature but in the stillness of the night can be a catalyst for an unimaginable greatness. The trigger for me tonight is pee. Ok, so before the #newnormal this would be ridiculous but in our current situation it is far from it. Just after supper tonight, there was a discrepancy between the amount of fluid that had gone in and the amount that had been peed out. Nobody appears particularly concerned, it was just mentioned, so why worry? That’s what common sense and rationality would conclude. Yet those sensible thoughts somehow disappear at night, instead the worry bug is triggered inside me and it is all ready to start eating away at me. I have already had a good 15 minute thinking session about the seriousness of the diagnosis; prognosis, outcomes, complications. And here we are, wide awake, waiting for the next little creature to crawl it’s way in and devour any sensibility I have left.
However, tonight I will not let these bugs win. I’m doing what I’ve thought about doing in the past; I’m facing the worries now, in the middle of the night and I will eradicate them by writing them down. Once they are down they are gone. I know worrying is pointless; it achieves absolutely nothing. Quite frankly worry bugs, you are eliminated, I really don’t have the time or the inclination for you at the moment.